DQYDJ 35: It's All Fun And Games Until You Get The Cease & Desist Order

Posted on Friday, August 29, 2008 by Melanie

EP 35: It's All Fun And Games... (47:18)


Welcome to Episode 35 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Patrick is severely late, Jerry proudly wears a Chiquita Banana sticker, Melanie muses about her Emergency Backup Husband, Stacy reports the news and Special Guest Host Fairy Princess Holly wonders why Walt won't buy her a tiara.

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

We're DQYDJ -- damn glad to meet you!

Posted on Monday, August 25, 2008 by Melanie

Patrick suggested that he'd like to see a picture of us Warholized. I am nothing if not accomodating.

Oh, for the love of God...

Posted on Monday, August 25, 2008 by Melanie

Yes, I screwed up AGAIN. This is what happens when you edit late at night and don't have time to listen all the way through. It's been fixed, is being uploaded, and you can re-download the episode around 10:00 AM or so.

Weekend? What means this word, "weekend"? It's just two more days of work around here...

DQYDJ 34: Yay, It's A DrunkyCast!

Posted on Monday, August 25, 2008 by Melanie

EP 34: Yay, It's A DrunkyCast! (37:15)


Welcome to Episode 34 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Melanie has a touch of the bursitis, Patrick gets loaded on half a glass of wine, Jerry is sleeping and Stacy fills in masterfully.

  • We have email!
    • Rich

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

Yes, there is a gap

Posted on Friday, August 22, 2008 by Melanie

Right before Archerr's voicemail (sorry Archerr!). Blame it on me editing at 1:30 AM and not listening all the way through the episode -- I kept accidentially moving things and thought I'd cleaned up all the gaps, but obviously I could not brain yesterday because I had the dumb. It will be fixed and re-uploaded tonight, in case anyone who hasn't already grabbed it wants the corrected version.


D'oh...

DQYDJ 33: I'd Know That Loogie Anywhere

Posted on Friday, August 22, 2008 by Melanie

EP 33: I'd Know That Loogie Anywhere (38:05)


Welcome to Episode 33 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Patrick explains how to warp the minds of innocent high school freshmen, Jerry calls in via cell phone and gives good advice, and Melanie welcomes DQYDJ Newscast anchor Stacy to the show.

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

OooooooooH!!!

Posted on Wednesday, August 20, 2008 by Stacy

I can post on the website!!

Lets see what kind of debauchery I can do to this popcorn stand!!

Whoooo hooo! I'm drunk with power

DQYDJ 32: Praise The Five Commandments Of Pod

Posted on Tuesday, August 19, 2008 by Melanie

EP 32: Praise The Five Commandments Of Pod (34:09)


Welcome to Episode 32 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Melanie sends a shout out to the adorable Taffy Carlisle Huffington, Patrick conducts the inaugural ceremony of the DQYDJ First Irascible Church of the Podosphere, and Jerry asks our audience for help with his new novel.

  • We have email!
    • Aaron

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

Feeling Much Better!

Posted on Saturday, August 16, 2008 by Jerry Davis

I know some of you out there are kind of worried about me.

Fear not! I am feeling 90% better today, so good in fact that I'm off pain meds and am working on my current novel.

Thank you everyone for your well-wishes! Sending love and good karma right back at ya!

PS - Look at those pictures of Patrick down there. What a hottie! ;-)

Jerry's Dental Emergency

Posted on Friday, August 15, 2008 by Jerry Davis


They pulled what was left of it out this morning, along with a *bonus* extraction of another tooth on that side.

I want my mommy.

:-(

When we were yungins!

Posted on Friday, August 15, 2008 by Pat Gaik

Well, it's time for more embarrassing pictures from Patrick's miss-spent youth.

Exhibit A: tank top, silk shorts, headband...sadly there was little demand for low-end rentboys in my neighborhood!



Exhibit B: Lookout, Betty Grable! I have a waist! And a tan! And those tight, tight nylon shorts and rockin' knee socks!


DQYDJ 31: Our First Episode of DQYDJ News

Posted on Thursday, August 14, 2008 by Melanie

EP 31: Our First Episode of DQYDJ News (30:31)


Welcome to Episode 31 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Jerry is fascinated with the chupacabra, Melanie is going back on the road for another con, and Patrick is podcasting from work.

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    • Shelba

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187




DQYDJ NEWS #1 TRANSCRIPT

Good day. My name is Stacy, and here is the news for the DQYDJ podcast:

As many of you are aware, the Summer Olympic games opened in Beijing this summer on August 8th, 2008. Our very own President Bush was on hand to witness these historic games, and made headlines by holding up the American flag backward.

Chen Zhili, head of the Beijing Olympic Village and France's Prime Minister Francois Fillion were seen pointing, laughing and exchanging money, as if wagering. Monsieur Fillon was then overheard to say, "Double or nothing he holds it upside-down next time."

In related news, W's mother, former First Lady Barbara Bush, was said to be frequenting karaoke bars in and around Bejing during the games. After one too many sakes, the former first lady was found wandering behind the bar telling other club patrons, "I am the Walrus -- koo koo ka choo."

The former first lady is now resting comfortably in the Betty Ford clinic.




In a parallel story, Don't Quit Your Day Job's own Jerry was reported ill this week with what was said to be a dental emergency. However, a call was placed to our tip line and this reporter has found what appears to be a cover-up by DQYDJ's management.

The tip came in last Monday by an unidentified caller claiming that Jerry was really in the hospital. Melanie and Patrick are allegedly accused of putting wood grain alcohol, food coloring and mint flavoring in Jerry's bottle of Scope mouthwash before a recent dental appointment.

Jerry, innocently swishing his mouth out before a dental appointment, accidentally ingested some of the liquid. Our informant tells us that after administering the laughing gas (AKA nitrous oxide), Jerry became extremely agitated in the chair. He then informed his dentist that he needed to leave immediately because he was negotiating a peace treaty in the Middle East between the Branch Davidians and Angus Young of the rock band AC/DC.

911 was called and Jerry was last seen being wheeled to an ambulance on a stretcher. Witnesses to the event tell us that Jerry kept telling paramedics, "Hot funk, cool punk, even if it's old junk, it's still rock 'n' roll to me!"

Jerry, we here in the DQYDJ news room send you our good thoughts and hope you enjoy the flower arrangement.

Also, when you get out of the hospital, we want to party with you, dude!




We now go to our foreign correspondent Kathy, who is reporting from the war-torn region of the Wisconsin Dells.

Unfortunately our live feed from this politically fragile area was damaged during a guerrilla skirmish last night; therefore I will have to read her report for her.

She writes: Hello everyone, I am here in the Wisconsin Dells where most of the dramatic fighting has gone on. The Mt. Olympus staff had had a long and bloody history with the militant wing of the Wilderness Lodge staff. Last night, members of elite guerrilla cells at the Wilderness were able to break into Mt. Olympus's filter room, shutting off all the pool heaters. They then proceeded to cut off all the cable television lines and smashed bottles of tequila in all of the bars in the resort.

Kathy goes on to say: The kids are all over me because the waters too cold to swim, my husband is bored because he doesn't have cable and I have been forced to have sex with him, and I can't even get a margarita. The resort is putting on a magic show tomorrow where a magician cuts someone in half. She hopes to be the first one -- so she can be put out of her misery.

End report.

Kathy, we here at the Don't Quit Your Day Job newsroom deeply appreciate your willingness to go to any lengths to get your story. We salute you.




That wraps up our report for this day, August, 14th. I'm Stacy with the DQYDJ news. Good day...and I will now pretend I have a life.

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

DQYDJ 30: Don't Get Saucy With ME, Bernaise!

Posted on Wednesday, August 13, 2008 by Melanie

EP 30: Don't Get Saucy With ME, Bernaise! (45:40)


Welcome to Episode 30 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Patrick has to be treated for a virulent computer infection, Jerry is MIA due to a dental emergency, and Melanie is back from Denver and slightly dizzy.

We warned you.

  • We have email!
    • Stacy
    • Nico
    • Expect It

Rick's ComixBlog (the Doctor Who mashup)

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

A Belated Birthday Email from Stacy

Posted on Tuesday, August 12, 2008 by Melanie


Friends and neighbors, it's Melanie's birthday today. In celebration, I have a special edition of "Melanie -- It's Your Life!"

Melanie: The Formative Years

Melanie was born many years ago in 1966, in the middle of a blazing hot July afternoon. Her parents, relatively practical yet sweaty people, decided shortly after her birth that they should begin Melanie's life by teaching her thrift and the value of hard work for what they saw as their special and talented first born.

Therefore they sold her to a Taiwanese sweatshop to earn money for their air conditioning bill.


Upon returning, Melanie discovered that she was a sister. Her little sister Stacy was playing there in the playpen, eager to meet her older and wiser sister, and surrounded by many, many toys. Most of them, coincidentally, made by Melanie herself.

That evening, Stacy was found beaten unconscious with a Bozo doll.

(For those of you who are not familiar with Chicago, Bozo was a part-time clown who had his own TV show during the 60's and 70's. His other job was a bus driver. When punishing kids on his route he would take toys and games away from them and give them away on his show during something called "The Grand Prize Game.")

Melanie: 8 years old

Melanie is kicked out of ballet school for wearing a nude body stocking and doing an interpretive dance entitled, "The Reproductive Cycle of our Class Hamster Blinky."

Horrified, her dance instructors put a stop to the number, but the damage was already done. Floods of phone calls came in from distraught parents demanding answers. Why, they wanted to know, were their daughters all crying about something called "The Dilated Cervix Waltz"? With no other recourse, the instructors were forced to expel Melanie, not knowing the genius that resided in the small body haughtily walking out their doors.

Upon getting in the car that fateful night Melanie then proceeded to tell our mother that the instructors pulled her hair because she didn't do a step right and they were talentless hoofers. Furthermore, she would never darken their doorstep again. Melanie and I were promptly pulled out of classes, as were all of the other students, and the studio went bankrupt.

Melanie: Disneyworld, 12 years old

Our family trip to Florida occurred during a staff shortage at the famed Disneyworld Theme Park. Allegedly the only person the manager could find to put in the Donald Duck suit that fateful day was a person of shorter stature who normally worked in the Snow White ride. Melanie, hot, sticky and annoyed at Stacy for making her go on the Haunted House ride for the 35th time that day, shoved Stacy in the back, setting off a chain of events that lives in the annals of Disney history.

The carnage that was to ensue is STILL denied by Disney administration to this day.

Stacy, at the time of Melanie's vicious attack, was innocently dressing her hamburger with ketchup at a condiment stand. After being shoved, Stacy violently fell into the condiment cart, overturning it and splattering enormous jugs of ketchup all down the neck of Donald Duck standing a few feet away, signing autographs. Sliding in the slop of the dumped condiments, the cart slid and hit Donald in the ducktail, making his head wobble off and roll down the fairway.

Orlando newspapers have it recorded that Donald Duck ran headless down Main street USA, with ketchup bleeding down his neck screaming, "MY HEAD, WHERE'S MY HEAD?!?!!?"

Seeing the melee of parents and toddlers running in the wake of headless, seemingly bloody Donald, Melanie and Stacy decide to try Space Mountain.

Melanie: 15 yrs old

1981: Stacy's 8th grade graduation party. Melanie patiently explains to Stacy and her friend Kathy how alcohol will kill brain cells. After what is a brilliant and moving explanation on the part of Melanie, Stacy and Kathy decide to dedicate themselves to the interest of science -- and begin consuming alcohol in large quantities.


After years and years of intense and dedicated research, Melanie slips in a puddle of Stacy or Kathy's beer vomit (OK, probably Stacy's) and tragically slams her head into the cheap pine paneling.

A period of temporary insanity ensues, ushering in what will be known as "Merman: The Dark Years."

Kathy and Stacy, in a heroic attempt to save Melanie, continue drinking heavily.

Fortunately, fate steps in when Melanie goes outside to try and stop them from putting a pony keg into a snow bank & setting the neighbor's garage roof on fire. She slips on thin ice and miraculously comes to her senses.

Kathy and Stacy celebrates Melanie's amazing recovery with a case of Special Export and smoking cigarettes.

Melanie: Falls in love

Melanie finds interest in computers and meets a young, handsome man online.

Stacy counters with putting Melanie's name in an advertisement for mail-order brides in Taiwan. Stacy receives many offers but the best one is for the owner of the sweatshop where, coincidentally, Melanie used to work as a toddler.

This brings deep-seated rage from Melanie's subconscious, and she beats Stacy senseless with a clown doll she got at a Mardi Gras parade, screaming, "NO MORE THAI FOOD! NO MORE THAI FOOD!"

Upon awakening from her coma, Stacy finds Melanie happily married and living in England. Stacy expresses her concerns about Melanie marrying an unknown Englishman and Melanie assures her that she is fine and happy. Stacy sends her a copy of The Files of Jack The Ripper as a wedding gift.

Melanie: Europe

Melanie and Lyndon move around a great deal in hopes of avoiding any visits from Kathy and Stacy.

Melanie: Present day

Melanie is now a technical writer in a prosperous career with a wonderful and loyal husband. Kathy and Stacy are very happy for her. Especially because Melanie is buying a house in the near future with 3-4 bedrooms, one of them being a dedicated guest room which Stacy and Kathy feel they need to take full advantage of, especially if Melanie decides to get a nice hot tub, preferably with lots of jets and a bar attached directly outside their guest room. Stacy prefers the color purple for a room color and Kathy requests a massage table and possibly a pedicure chair for when Consuela has free time to do her feet.

This ends Melanie's birthday -- This is your Life!!

And for comparison purposes...

Posted on Friday, August 08, 2008 by Melanie

The jacket I made for the Rising Stars Reception yesterday at Denvention:


Yes, I do normally look that goofy. But the jacket was killer.

New Feature: When we were 'yungins!

Posted on Friday, August 08, 2008 by Jerry Davis

Sixteen year old Jerry trying to do "manly."



When Jerry was a teen you'd always catch him in his darkroom.




Jerry in college on the student newspaper. He was always so serious.




He never had much luck with women ... then again, he had a hard time telling which ones were real.




It never stopped him from trying to cop a feel.

DQYDJ 29: Reverse Upside-Down Cat Cuddling

Posted on Wednesday, August 06, 2008 by Melanie

EP 29: Reverse Upside-Down Cat Cuddling (39:41)


Welcome to Episode 29 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Melanie is getting ready for Denver, Patrick treats us to a scoop about Simon from the Chipmunks and his current gig in a German transvestite bar, and Jerry celebrates a cat named Wellington.

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

New Feature: When we were 'yungins!

Posted on Wednesday, August 06, 2008 by Pat Gaik

Hello, pumpkins! I'm starting a new feature on our blog here - When we were 'yungins!

Melanie received a scan of an old news clipping (thanks, cousin George!) featuring us "back in the day." She was 16 (going on 17) and I was 17 (going on 18) and we were attending an awards banquet where we won 2nd (Mel) and 3rd (Me) place in a logo design competition for the East Side Chamber of Commerce during our high school days. She looks no different today! I, however...(womp womp). I don't know what the hell is up with my sultry expression, I must have thought I looked sexy!

Jerry, you're up next! Maybe something from the Eisenhower administration?

Issues with LibSyn

Posted on Tuesday, August 05, 2008 by Melanie

Hey Folks:

Episode 28 IS uploaded and published to LibSyn, but apparently their servers are hiccuping and won't make it available on the RSS feed, so you can't see it on iTunes yet. However, you CAN listen to or download it directly by clicking on the little Pod icon in the Ep 28 post below this one.

Sorry about the inconvenience, folks -- we'll try and get this resolved ASAP.

DQYDJ 28: Yellow Is The Color Of Shame

Posted on Monday, August 04, 2008 by Melanie

EP 28: Yellow Is The Color Of Shame (34:53)


Welcome to Episode 28 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Jerry dons his love goggles, Melanie reveals a secret about her mother the Queenpin of Drug Dealers, and Patrick recounts his introduction to the hanky code.

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!