Patrick's Show!

Posted on Sunday, March 29, 2009 by Stacy

Well Kathy the foreign correspondent and I are back from Pat's wonderful lesbian performance!

What Kath? No I didn't write it wrong-Oh. Thespian. I meant
Thespian performance.


Anyway on the way down there we kept coming across signs that read SAVE PONTIAC
PRISON which we thought were interesting but then after a few miles we found ones that read SAVE PONTIAC PRISON with a big white X crossed out on them and painted at the bottom was THIS WAY KATHY AND STACY with an arrow pointing down a road.

That had razor wire lining it.

Well, we heard this
Conklins Barn II dinner theatre was off the beaten path but we DID NOT think it was going to be so hard to get in!
I mean a full cavity body search to watch a play? I'm sorry but
that's just going a little too far on the security for my taste.
Come to think of it though, Kathy did seem to enjoy it.

Her usher looked like Brad Pitt's cuter brother... but for some reason he was dressed in a blue uniform with a badge and handcuffs. Strange. Well, anyway she was smiling from ear to ear when she came out and wanted a
cigarette after she came out of the coat check room.

don't know what she was smiling about because my coat check room was incredibly small and airless --and does NOT have one hanger, much less a coat rack in it!

Long story short, after the fingerprinting, hair samples, smears from membranes that I'm not going to discuss here, the nice men at the entrance explained to us that they were the mere GATEKEEPERS to the theatre grounds and gave us lovely electronic bracelets to wear around our ankles as they escorted us back to the car and got us on our way!

Pat SO knows how to treat friends that come down to see him is all I can say!!

Well after wandering around a soybean field, helping birth a cow, and grabbing a quick latte at the circle K, we finally found the theatre! And was Pat's show convincing! He kept sobbing and pointing to our table.
Let me tell you, it is
so gratifying to see an old friend so emotional to see us. Some people just bury those feelings down, down, down.....until they either open a vein or begin having long, involved discussions with a qualified licenced mental health care professional-

Where was I?


Ah, yes, Patrick's play! It was a wonderful evening of laughs watching terrific actors and is an experience I would certainly
recommend to everyone. Pat is an excellent actor and is extremely funny, not to mention very dashing. His fellow cast members couldn't have been more professional and brought unexpected laughs from every door on that stage!

The Barn has a delicious dinner buffet that will knock your socks off! The wait service is polite, gracious and welcoming after they remove the lace thongs, DD bra's and
men's underwear they took out of our pockets.
And though they refused to let us sit next no closer than 40 feet from the stage....we bear them no ill will.

In a nutshell it was definitely worth the trip and we will definitely be back for more!

As soon as they give us their new address. They kindly explained to us that they have had several bomb threats and will be moving to somewhere in the Southwestern United States right after the show and will not be there if we come back.

Tsk. What is this world coming to?

Post-Show Glow

Posted on Saturday, March 28, 2009 by Pat Gaik

I think they had a good time. They say they're going back to the hotel to write a review!

They're Heeeere!

Posted on Saturday, March 28, 2009 by Pat Gaik

Well, they made it into Bloomington, and thanks to some wicked stealth manouvers through the backroads of Goodfield, they made it past the blockade. Here we see Kathy, our foreign correspondent and Stacy, our news anchor in line for the bountiful buffet at Conklin's Barn II Dinner Theatre.

They were searched on the way into the building, and several thongs they purchased this afternoon at the Walmart next to their hotel were confiscated by Barn authorities. Speculation is that they were going to shoot them at Patrick on stage during a vital moment in the performance. Further updates will follow.

Heads up, Michael and Kevin!

Posted on Thursday, March 26, 2009 by Melanie

As of last night Patrick and I booked our plane tickets and room at the Wilderness Lodge Resort -- Patrick expects to see a welcoming banner waiting for him when he lands in Orlando.

I personally will be happy with a frosty adult beverage, she said, giving Boozy a meaningful look.

How Twins Are Made

Posted on Monday, March 23, 2009 by Unknown

-- Post From My iPhone

I did the album cover thing too...

Posted on Sunday, March 22, 2009 by Unknown

DQYDJ 67: We All Swallowed In College

Posted on Wednesday, March 18, 2009 by Melanie

EP 67: We All Swallowed In College (43:49)

Welcome to Episode 67 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Melanie is dealing with a testosterone peak and odd dreams about Star Trek conventions, Jerry is prepping for Finland and doing non-naked Pilates, Stacy is out with a touch of the Hepzies, and Patrick is begging David Tennant to eat a chicken wing, already.


I hav ben lissening to yur show 4 a loong time and think yrll all veri fuuny. but i wuz wunderin wher Stacy haz ben? She iz my faverite and very very very very very very veery talnted girrl.

the show iznt the same witout her and I think you should giv her a raize an her own cumpany creditt card!

or cash, witchever is eazir for yu.

an a heater down in da sub basmnent so she wont have 2 pour rubbin alchohl on a roll of terlit paper and set er on fire fer warmth cuz my cuzin done burnd down his houz dat wey.

anyway luv thue show and hope u rellly bring Stacy back soon cuz shes mah faverite podcaseter in the whole wid worldd.

I hav to git to work at the gas staton now!

Mrs. Anony Mouse.

Send us email:
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks ( for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

DQYDJ 66: Pooping Up A Storm

Posted on Wednesday, March 18, 2009 by Melanie

EP 66: Pooping Up A Storm (33:14)

Welcome to Episode 66 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Patrick asks about a gay British relative, Melanie is still waiting for the Ep 65 track from Stacy, Jerry is back and pooping up a storm thanks to his new eating plan, and Stacy is off on a shopping trip.

Send us email:
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks ( for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

We anen't dead

Posted on Tuesday, March 17, 2009 by Melanie

The Terry Pratchett fans out there will get the subject line -- fret not, pumpkins, we're not podfading or dead (we can't be -- we still have Taffy Carlisle-Huffington added to the schedule in blood as our Extra Special Guest for Episode 75). We have two eps recorded -- one will go up tonight, and the other will go as soon as I get a missing track from someone who will not be named but whose name rhymes with Stacy. Ahem.

Sorry for the delay, and hey, we may even be recording another episode tomorrow night -- how's that for an embarrassment of riches? In the meantime, Jerry is heading to Finland in the near future and will be bringing back licorice-filled choccies for me, Patrick is still looking for a flexible busboy who appreciates a man with gravitas, and Stacy is off doing something that probably involves large amounts of reality TV. Oh, and I've been reading large amounts of research material and some really, really good amateur smut. You know you wanted to know.

That album cover thing everyone is doing...

Posted on Thursday, March 12, 2009 by Pat Gaik

Well, I'm jumping on the bandwagon with that album cover thing that's going around (get it? bandwagon? album cover?)

In case there's anyone who doesn't know, here are the instructions:

What would your own album look like if you were in a band?

Follow the directions below and find out…Here are the rules:

1 - Go to Wikipedia. Hit “random”or click The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Quotations Page and select “random quotations”or click The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”or click Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use Photoshop or similar to put it all together.


The Reviews are In

Posted on Wednesday, March 11, 2009 by Pat Gaik

We had a great opening week, overall, though one night was a bit of a trainwreck in places. The reviews so far have been great!

Barn II troupe delivers
A Review by Patricia S. Stiller
The Pantagraph
Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Some things are just better shared. Like a wonderful evening filled with good food, good friends and good fun out at Conklin’s Barn II Dinner Theatre.

The masters of mayhem are at their comic best in the current, must-see offering, Michael Cooney’s “Cash on Delivery,” which features the entire resident company, headlined by Bob Lane Jr. and Pat Gaik.

Cooney’s hilarious script follows the unbelievable antics of Eric Swan, who neglected to inform his wife that he was no longer employed.

Swan, played with gusto by audience favorite Bob Lane Jr., stumbles onto a source of income when a government benefit check arrives at his home for a former lodger.

Over time, Swan creates a series of imaginary lodgers, and receives benefit checks for often ridiculous ailments, barely staying one step ahead of the agency investigators.

Finally, the inevitable happens, and it all hits the fan, forcing Swan to weave his only actual lodger Norman McDonald into the fray, with side-splitting results.

McDonald is played to the hilt by the incomparable Gaik.

The chaos is nonstop, and the fun contagious, with hilarious supporting performances by John Johnson, as Mr. Jenkins the investigator; Diann Thompson as Sally Chessington; and the lovable Tome Weber as Uncle George.

Conklin's comedy delivers
'Cash on Delivery' lets dinner theater cast do what they do best

of the Journal Star
Posted Mar 07, 2009 @ 10:35 PM

GOODFIELD — The pleasure of Conklin's Barn II Dinner Theatre lies somewhere between watching an old-fashioned vaudeville routine and an elaborate juggling act.

Performers pound the floorboards as they play characters caught up in ever-sillier and ever-more far-flung plot twists that threaten at every moment to come crashing down around the actors' heads.

In the case of "Cash on Delivery," which runs through April 26, the plot twisting begins with a con-artist premise that nicely fits these recessionary times. Laid-off Eric Swann (Bob Lane Jr.) has been ripping off the Social Security system for years by pretending to be someone he isn't and by pretending to have tenants with various ills and pensionable conditions.

When this amusing play begins, Eric is in way over his head, and he's digging himself deeper with every effort to dig himself out. His friend Norman McDonald (Pat Gaik) is ensnared in the con game despite his better judgment.

Fictitious personages multiply. Characters pop in and out of doors.

There are lots of jokes involving brassieres and women's underwear. At one point, Gaik appears in a shocking floral dress and an even-more-shocking women's wig. There's even a tug-of-war gag involving an apparent corpse, which isn't really a corpse at all.

This is the sort of show Conklin's cast members are well-accustomed at playing, and they clearly have fun with this material. Lane's Eric Swann is reminiscent of a deadpan Tom Smothers as he good-naturedly cons and improvises his way through one lame explanation after another. Gaik is a hoot, as always. Dan Challacombe aces the role of Dr. Chapman, a creepy psychologist with horn-rimmed glasses and a weird, man-on-the-moon voice. Tom Weber's Uncle George is hilarious, whether he's being hit in the head repeatedly by a swinging door or appearing in his long underwear to Eric's addled wife, Linda (the funny Miranda Axsom).

Rounding out the cast is Mary Simon as Ms. Cowper, the Social Security bureaucrat who comes to investigate the strange goings-on; John Johnson, who plays Mr. Jenkins, another Social Security agent who finds more than he bargained for when he comes calling; David Flanders as Mr. Forbright, the funeral director; Diann Thompson as Sally Chessington, the social-service worker whose very presence further tangles the plot; and April Wyant as Brenda Dixon, Norman's long-suffering and much-abused fiancee.

All the actors deliver what basically is meat-and-potatoes dinner-theater entertainment with lots of laughs - all very much in the spirit of the late Chaunce Conklin, who founded this unlikely enterprise in 1975. It's well worth a drive into the country.

What it's like to be a working writer

Posted on Sunday, March 01, 2009 by Melanie