Another Openin', Another Show...

Posted on Tuesday, December 30, 2008 by Pat Gaik

FUNNY VALENTINES opens January 8 at Conklin's. I get to play a New York agent trying to get his divorced clients back together to sell their children's book series to TV. It's a hilarious and heartwarming romantic comedy!

Merry Christmas from Jerry!

Posted on Wednesday, December 24, 2008 by Jerry Davis

DQYDJ 57: Crotchless Panties At Dad's Funeral

Posted on Wednesday, December 24, 2008 by Melanie

EP 57: Crotchless Panties At Dad's Funeral (34:18)


Welcome to Episode 57 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Stacy decides she's bored and wants to record a podcast, Patrick explains how to make a grieving woman wet her pants at Giordano's, Melanie spends three hours on filthy roads getting the requisite recording equipment, and Jerry is smart, safe and warm at his beloved's.

  • We have email!
    • Luke Miller

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

DQYDJ Special Episode 02: Hiatus

Posted on Friday, December 19, 2008 by Melanie

Special Episode 02: Hiatus (5:23)


In memory of
Julius "Mickey" Miller
September 12, 1938 - December 19, 2008
Loving father of Melanie, Stacy and Michael




Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

DQYDJ 56: Getting Rammed By Big Fatty

Posted on Thursday, December 18, 2008 by Melanie

EP 56: Getting Rammed By Big Fatty (46:43)


Welcome to Episode 56 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Melanie reveals some unusual dreams about Big Fatty and Nana, Stacy is off taking care of a personal matter, Patrick swoons at the sound of Scotty in Australia, and special Guest Ricky from Foul Monkeys does his very best to make this a poocast.

  • We have email!
    • Scotty in Australia

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

Happy Holidays!

Posted on Thursday, December 18, 2008 by Melanie

Jack Black as Jesus

Posted on Wednesday, December 17, 2008 by Jerry Davis

Smut for Christmas!

Posted on Monday, December 15, 2008 by Melanie


To cheer the lonely and unhumped this Christmas season, Circlet Press is offering an Erotic Advent calendar on their website, presenting an erotic SF or Fantasy story each day until Christmas for your enjoyment! Today's offering, number 14 of 23, is my short story, "Star Quality," which was my first sale to Circlet and my first professional sale.

But like every Advent calendar, each day's treat only lasts so long. So if you want to read some quality smut by yours truly (and yes, it's NSFW), head on over to Circlet Press before noon tomorrow and enjoy!

Thank you, Pat!

Posted on Monday, December 15, 2008 by Jerry Davis

I just received my new favorite coffee mug in the mail...

-- Post From My iPhone

I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas!

Posted on Monday, December 15, 2008 by Jerry Davis


I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy
I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
I don't think Santa Claus will mind, do you?
He won't have to use our dirty chimney flue
Just bring him through the front door,
that's the easy thing to do

I can see me now on Christmas morning,
creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise
when I open up my eyes
to see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses
I only like hippopotamuses
And hippopotamuses like me too

Mom says the hippo would eat me up, but then
Teacher says a hippo is a vegeterian.
(Short Music Interlude)
There's lots of room for him in our two-car garage
I'd feed him there and wash him there and give him his massage

I can see me now on Christmas morning,
creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise
when I open up my eyes
to see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles or rhinoceroseses
I only like hippopotamuseses
And hippopotamuses like me too!

Holiday Treat for the Show Queens

Posted on Thursday, December 11, 2008 by Pat Gaik

The great Christine Pedi of "Forbidden Broadway" fame has this show-stopping piece performing "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" from Dreamgirls as everyone from Liza to Kathryn Hepburn. Not to be missed!

DQYDJ 55: "I'm A Unicorn!"

Posted on Thursday, December 11, 2008 by Melanie

EP 55: "I'm A Unicorn!" (39:31)


Welcome to Episode 55 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Jerry relates the woes of eating fine chocolate, Melanie stops throwing up for the first time in 24 hours, Stacy commiserates, Patrick blushes at the torrent of compliments, and we have a very special studio guest in the outtakes.

  • We have email!
  • We have voicemail!
    • Joe
    • Bjorn

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

Damn you, DQ Rick!

Posted on Wednesday, December 10, 2008 by Melanie

You just HAD to go on about chasing Patrick around with a strap-on, didn't you? Now it's infiltrated my subconscious, to the point where I just woke up from a weirdly vivid dream that involved a dude ranch, Rhys Ifans biting my big toe, and me sexually satisfying the partner of a podcaster (and no, I'm not going to say which one) with a strap-on.

I did NOT need to dream that! And it's all YOUR fault! Oh, dear sweet mother of Cthulhu, why why WHY did I dream that...

It's RodanFest!! (Tomorrow!)

Posted on Wednesday, December 10, 2008 by Pat Gaik

We've barely got the balloons, frosting and lube cleaned up from LatteBoy day, and another celebration is upon us!

Happy RodanFest, everyone!!! (And Happy Birthday, Rodan!)


And that leaves us with a mere six months to plan the Taffy Carlysle-Huffington Hoot-Nanny on June 11 (so a little bird tells me) - so we'd better get busy!!

Jerry really misses Texas at times like this

Posted on Wednesday, December 10, 2008 by Melanie

Just Because I Like This Joke

Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 by Stacy

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon...oh, and you got nice house!!!"

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 by Melanie

Finally! My novel Sabre Dance is now available on Amazon!



And since this is a Double Dog, not only do you get my adventure of Adrianne Roche, a Queen's Own Sabre who goes undercover as a belly dancer to rescue the queen's kidnapped niece, you also get Laura J. Underwood's pirate saga The Lunari Mask (described as "Granny Weatherwax meets the Pirates of the Carribean").

Hmm -- maybe we should take a leaf from Drew's book and do a giveaway on the next podcast. Any interest?

DQYDJ 54: 2/3 Of This Podcast Is On Drugs

Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 by Melanie

EP 54: 2/3 Of This Podcast Is On Drugs (35:22)


Welcome to Episode 54 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Patrick gets a lot of stuff blowing around, Jerry loses two teeth but gains a codeine scrip, Melanie enjoys the elixir that is NyQuil D, and Stacy is AWOL.

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

Happy Latteboy Day, everybody!!

Posted on Thursday, December 04, 2008 by Pat Gaik

Because we here at DQYDJ think that December 5 should be a national holiday (banks and post office should be closed, but Starbucks should be forced to remain open for all 24 hours), we present the following birthday tribute to one of the true greats in the podosphere...


Happy Birthday, Taylor!!! Everyone should do themselves a favor and subscribe to Pod is My Copilot!

DQYDJ 53: The Return Of Jerry

Posted on Monday, December 01, 2008 by Melanie

EP 53: The Return of Jerry (37:08)


Welcome to Episode 53 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Stacy deconstructs her own blog comments, Patrick gets eight inches, Jerry returns from California and Melanie has to edit this nightmare together with a clip from The Direct Approach.

  • We have email!
    • Scotty

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

F-word!

Posted on Sunday, November 30, 2008 by Pat Gaik

This is the view from my bedroom window this morning. Taffy would love it. I, unfortunately, do not!

E MAILS FROM OUR LISTENERS

Posted on Saturday, November 29, 2008 by Stacy

THIS IS THE PART OF THE SHOW WHERE IF YOU SEND IN AN E MAIL, IT WILL BE NOT ONLY BE READ ON THE AIR, BUT ONE OF US, PROBABLY STACY OR PAT, WILL POST IT ON OUR WEBSITE!

BLATANTLY.

WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION.

OFTEN MISSPELLED AND SOMETIMES DOCTORED FOR COMEDIC PURPOSES.

HELL, I MAY EVEN MAKE SOME UP COME TO THINK OF IT! HOWEVER, THIS ONE WASNT.

REALLY.

NO, REALLY.

I SWEAR.


>Where the hell are Jerry& Stacey?! (*Stacy's note: My name, Stacy, is spelled without the benefit of an e. My parents were poor and couldn't afford one.)
>
>
>Scotty
>
>*Ps- I don't really care. But you asked us to email and ask. So I did. (*Stacy's note: He cares. He cares deeply. I mean, I dont know good old Scotty personally or anything but I can feel these things you know? I'm sensitive like that. Ask anybody...well not anybody....Pat will agree ---but Melanie will tell you I have all the sensitivity of a wildebeast. She doesnt know the real me.)
>
>However, I do think it was mean of yuou guys to edit all that
>Skypeiness into her parts on last show. Doing that in
>post-production, just so she would appear less is very very mean!! (*Stacy's note: I agree and I think something should be done about it!!! Jerry should give her a STERN talking to! I would do it but every time I criticize her I end up with bruises......compound fractures.....or internal bleeding and she's staying at my house next weekend and I'd like to get through the holidays intact thank-you-very-much!)
>
>...but I LOVE it

> Scotty






Dear Scotty,

It IS terribly mean that Melanie puts in all that Skypeyness into my casts isnt it? She does this on purpose because she's jealous.

Of what?!?!

I have no idea.....

but it's obvious that its a case of blatant jealousy! Thank you for writing in about that Scott!

Stacy the DQYDJ newsgirl

PS. I'm on the next one but I think Melanie has done something with Jerry. She's like that you know.

Literary Questions with Melanie

Posted on Saturday, November 29, 2008 by Melanie

Have you ever read or watched a movie/TV adaptation of Jane Austen's works, and been overwhelmed by a sudden, driving urge to bitchslap half the characters?

I'm not talking about a gentle lovetap, either. I mean a wholehearted NEED to climb into the story and start smacking Emma, Anne Eliot (I just watched the 1995 production of PERSUASION and Anne spends the bulk of the movie cringing into her scarf or looking like a deer in the headlights) or Mrs. Bennet about the earhole, then give Fitzwilliam Darcy a kick in the ass for good measure.

I thought so. And yes, I know the books are supposed to be satirical and the characters are sometimes melodramatized for effect -- I was an English major, after all. But Jesus they rub me the wrong way.

DQYDJ 52: Finngina

Posted on Wednesday, November 26, 2008 by Melanie

EP 52: Finngina (33:05)


Welcome to Episode 52 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Melanie explains about Illegal Immigrants R Us, Stacy compares Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer to Columbine, Patrick stews in misery and white Zinfandel, and Jerry gets a budget Finnish sex change.

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

Is bug. LibSyn fix, maybe?

Posted on Tuesday, November 25, 2008 by Melanie

Episode 51 is indeed up on LibSyn in all its glory and can be accessed through iTunes or our LibSyn blog at http://dqydjpodcast.libsyn.com. Unfortunately, they're having internal server issues at the moment, so you can't download or listen to the episode from THIS blog right now. Sorry about that -- hopefully the LibSyn techs will get on that Real Soon Now.

DQYDJ 51: Melanie Drank The Homeowner Kool-Aid

Posted on Monday, November 24, 2008 by Melanie

EP 51: Melanie Drank The Homeowner Kool-Aid (35:11)


Welcome to Episode 51 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Jerry is AWOL, Melanie discusses the pros and cons of using Xanax for insomnia, Stacy is God knows where, and Patrick recounts another Tale From the Dinner Theater.

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

Posted on Friday, November 21, 2008 by Stacy


Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!



My eyes, my eyes!

Posted on Friday, November 21, 2008 by Melanie

While recording Episode 50, Taylor mentioned that he kinda missed our Secrets of the Industry bits, so I figured I'd let you all in on an issue I'm facing as a jobbing genre writer.

I just received an invitation to an funny fantasy antho about vampires in the suburbs (and seeing as I couldn't make earlier invitations, come hell or high water I WILL deliver a manuscript for this one). For once, the Muse cooperated and dropped a blindingly hilarious concept for a parody on my head.

Said concept, however, required that I at least leaf through...well, let's just say that it's a certain monster bestseller aimed at the young adult crowd...in order to get more details on what it is that I'm parodying. I knew the general plot, of course, but it's always good to have specific things that you can point to (or at) and laugh. So the book was purchased, I started to read...

...and had to stop on the second page because, oh merciful Aunt Granny, I found myself giggling because I dared not cry. Well, that and I threw up in my mouth a little. The adverbs! The flowery language! The heroine whose head I want to hold underwater until she stops acting like a ninny! Even though I'm obviously supposed to identify with her because she's so beautiful (although she doesn't know it) and smart (although she doesn't ackowledge it) and special (see prior parenthetical comment) and self-sacrificing (yadda yadda).

Come to think of it, holding her under until she stopped wriggling altogether might be a better choice.

And to think I gave up reading fanfic because I couldn't take the Mary Sues anymore. Oh, what's a Mary Sue, you ask? Well, Gentle Reader, allow me to cut and paste a definition from Wikipedia:

Mary Sue, sometimes shortened simply to Sue, is a pejorative term used to describe a fictional character who plays a major role in the plot and is particularly characterized by overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as wish-fulfillment fantasies for their authors. Perhaps the single underlying feature of all characters described as "Mary Sues" is that they are too ostentatious for the audience's taste, or that the author seems to favor the character too highly. The author may seem to push how exceptional and wonderful the "Mary Sue" character is on his or her audience, sometimes leading the audience to dislike or even resent the character fairly quickly; such a character could be described as an "author's pet".


(And in this particular case, extremely clumsiness isn't a flaw so much as the author's attempt to distract us by saying, "Look, she's not perfect, so obviously she's not a Mary Sue!" Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, honey...).

Obviously, I made the wrong choice when it came to writing genre fiction. I should have tried writing Mary Sues, setting them in the supernatural framework du jour, then I could just sit back and watch the money come rolling in.

I'd feel like a whore, of course. But a well-paid one.

Bless the author's heart, though -- at least she's making money in a business where it's rare as hen's teeth to make a living wage. And if nothing else, I'm having a very, VERY good time writing this parody.

DQYDJ 50: It's A Trainwreck!

Posted on Thursday, November 20, 2008 by Melanie

EP 50: It's A Trainwreck! (44:35)


Welcome to Episode 50 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Patrick entertains fantasies of being the meat in a Hot Italian/Cuban Sandwich, Jerry is on a plane somewhere, Melanie explains how she fell backwards down a flight of stairs and Stacy sounds just a tad Skypey. And if that's not enough to blow your hair back, we welcome Taylor the Latte Boy as our special Anniversary Guest!

  • We have email!
    • Kathy

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

DQYDJ Videocast 02: Ricky's Challenge

Posted on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 by Melanie

Videocast 02: Ricky's Challenge (3:48)


Welcome to Videocast 02 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Melanie takes possession of her brand new hat from DreamHats and answers Ricky from Foul Monkey's challenge (yeah, yeah, I know I said it was Taylor's challenge -- I'm sleep-deprived, people!) to sing in a video while wearing a hat. Enjoy!



Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187


Hat courtesy of DreamHats.


Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

DQYDJ 49: Fruit Rollups For Jesus

Posted on Friday, November 14, 2008 by Melanie

EP 49: Fruit Rollups For Jesus (35:18)


Welcome to Episode 49 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Stacy wonders what a Cylon is, Patrick explains how he paid for college selling sperm, Jerry is with his love and Melanie talks about Tele-Tubby Porn.

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

Posted on Thursday, November 13, 2008 by Stacy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JERRY AND PATRICK!!!

Yes, it's Don't Quit Your Day Job's own Jerry and Patrick's birthdays this week!



Happy Birthday, guys!

DQYDJ 48: Yes We Did!

Posted on Wednesday, November 05, 2008 by Melanie

EP 48: Yes We Did! (44:42)


Welcome to Episode 48 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Melanie enjoys a frosty adult beverage, Stacy is without cable access due to President-Elect Obama, Patrick scores big on the riverboat, and Jerry runs over his iPhone.

  • We have email!
    • Scotty in Australia
  • We have voicemail!
    • Divy
    • Luna

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

VICTORY!

Posted on Tuesday, November 04, 2008 by Pat Gaik

DQYDJ 47: Melanie Has A Lot of Sh*t

Posted on Sunday, November 02, 2008 by Melanie

EP 47: Melanie Has A Lot of Sh*t (34:56)


Welcome to Episode 47 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Stacy is busy doing, well, something, Patrick announces the kickoff of his birthday month, Jerry is also busy doing, well, something, and Melanie is surrounded by boxes and is finally going to see WICKED.

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

DQYDJ 46: It's Not Sex -- It's Lovemaking

Posted on Sunday, November 02, 2008 by Melanie

EP 46: It's Not Sex -- It's Lovemaking (35:14)


Welcome to Episode 46 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Melanie is up to her ass in boxes, Stacy is covering the Voodoo Queen Summit in New Orleans, Patrick debates the best way to commemorate a beloved pet who has passed on, and Jerry's getting plenty.

  • We have voicemail!
    • Divy

Send us email: dqydjpodcast@gmail.com
Call us on our listener line: 206-666-4187

Thanks to Sweet Diss and the Comebacks (http://www.myspace.com/comebacks) for permission to use clips from "Dunder and Dwightning" as our theme music. Go buy their stuff, people!

Trick or Treat!

Posted on Friday, October 31, 2008 by Pat Gaik

Happy Halloween, everybody! In celebration, I'll share some pics from my old local cable tv show. I used to go to the local costume house every year and get made over! We'd then try to go out and film a scene somewhere. Year one: I was a much-older-than-teenage werewolf.

Year two, Phantom! I wanted to go somewhere and sing Music of the Night, but we opted for a Chaney-esque silent scene.

Year three: Hunchback! When we went to a gigantic church and I climbed around in the filthy belfrey - that one was pretty impressive.

And finally, the drag year, which, no surprise, led to them not using me as a host anymore! I assume they got complaints, but the show was canceled shortly thereafter when the cable company was bought out. Mae West, Carol Channing, Norma Desmond!

Good times!