Scotty Is The New Stacy!

Posted on Tuesday, June 09, 2009 by Stacy

Dear Listeners,

Recently we received a e mail from Scotty the Little Aussie Battler requesting that I be swapped out to make room for him.

To this I said: Go for it.

I thought to myself...Self, why go on doing this podcast? I mean really, I will be spending a great deal of time out at the lake this summer doing a great many things. Hiking, drinking beer, paddling around in Kathy the foreign correspondent's canoe, drinking beer, sitting in the hot tub, taking the kiddos to the pool, drinking beer, and lastly but certainly not least, drinking beer while driving around in the golf cart.

This takes up a great deal of my time, you see, and I figured it would be nice to have an understudy...you know, sort of like a backup, auxiliary Stacy. Not as good as, you know, *me* of course, but still someone who can spot me when I get too busy (or hungover) to get on a podcast with my sister who will call my house incessantly every Sunday evening at 8pm as I'm downing Motrin and watching reality TV on VH-1.

So I decided to introduce you all to my new understudy, Scotty. Say hello, Scotty.

Scotty: Hi!!!

So Scotty, do you have anything you'd like to say to the listeners?

Scotty: Hi!!!

Umm, well, don't worry listeners, perhaps he's a little--

Scotty: Hi!!!

Ooookay......say, Scotty, when birds fly up in the sky, they get up there pretty--

Scotty: Hi!!

Yeah......and if someone passed you a homemade rolled-up cigarette and you smoked it, you would get--

Scotty: Hi!!!

Ohhhh nooooo!!! Terrorists have taken over the DQYDJ studio, and they are going to--

Scotty: Hi!!!

--jack the studio! Stop them, stop them! Wait, I'll get the hammer out of my purse and threaten them! Ooohhh, now they are--

Scotty: Hi!!!

--tailing it out of here! We did it! They won't be up to any more--

Scotty: Hi!!!

--jinks while we're on duty. Whew! I'm beat from that day of crime fighting. Let's go out and get a--

Scotty: Hi!!

--ball and talk about your salary. I want you to ask Melanie for a lot of money so I can have a raise when I get back from the summer. I really have--

Scotty: Hi!!

--standards so make sure you keep all your earnings in my desk drawer down in the sub-basement. As a matter of fact, I'll expect you to have the whole thing dry-walled, decorated and clean before I get back. I'll expect to see it spic & span down there.

Do me a favor though. Don't use too many harsh chemicals because the vapors can travel up through the air vents and get Mel, Jer and Patrick--

Scotty: Hi!!




Come to think of it, I'd better stick around.

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6 Comments

  1. Anonymous |

    Stacy rocks! Rocks harder than Bret Michaels' bus full o' skanks!

     
  2. Stacy |

    Thanks Kath!! This is why I chose you as my foriegn correspondent!

     
  3. scotty |

    oh yeah; she rocks... for now!
    Just wait till I step in.
    I'll blow your Yankee socks off.

     
  4. Anonymous |

    Stacy! Stacy ! Stacy! I think your gonna have to stay it seems that all Scotty wants to do is be HI! There is no place for that on DQYDJ now is there??????????

     
  5. Anonymous |

    Well you see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

     
  6. Stacy |

    Thanks Mel!

    So true.

     

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