Welcome to episode 174 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Patrick and He Of the Sensitive Nipples celebrate their 6th month anniversary by actually taking receipt of their damn furniture, Jerry is Not Happy (TM) with AT&T and his MiFi, and Melanie shall forever be known as La Granda Blanca Pelliroja Mapache.
Proof that Stacy and I visited Chichen Itza. We got tossed out later on for looting, but still...
What we woke up to every day. Well, without the drunken teenagers from the Jagermeister bar.
A hello to you all from my delicate, ladylike sister. Or she may have been flipping off the bell boy, who knows...
Is it any surprise that I was somewhat hammered on the plane home?
VOICEOVER: Meet the crew of the Prometheus. They went into an alien pyramid acting like teenagers on Spring Break, and did a lot of dumb shit that got most of them killed. This could have been averted if they'd had a Sassy Gay Friend.
SGF INTRO MUSIC PLAYS. BLINGED UP PLANET HOPPER LANDS IN FRONT OF PROMETHEUS CREW AS THEY'RE ABOUT TO ENTER THE PYRAMID. A SPACESUITED FIGURE WITH A JEWELED SCARF WRAPPED AROUND ITS NECK STORMS OUT.
SGF: What are you doing? WHAT WHAT WHAT are you doing? Just wandering into some abandoned alien disco and opening random doors like Indiana Jones? Scientific protocol too 48 seconds ago for you? I don't think so, Missy!
SHAW: But--
SGF: Forget about your conveniently unspecified religious beliefs and fire up a few brain cells -- don't be going in that thing unless you're double-gloved. By the way, have you lost weight? Girlfriend, you make that moon suit work.
SHAW: (blushes) Oh, thank you!
HOLLOWAY: Hey!
SGF: Zip it, X Games. (to Shaw) He must be hung like a horse, because you didn't hook up with him for his brains. Am I right?
SHAW: Well--
SGF: Of course I'm right. You're a stupid be-yitch. (taps helmet) Okay, Miss Ice Thing? Wake Daddy up and tell him to do his own dirty work -- you need to get naked and horizontal with Captain Hot Stuff before your hoo-hoo freezes over. Trust me, if anyone needs a little sumpin-sumpin, girlfriend, it's you.
EVERYONE HEARS OUTRAGED SQUAWKS FROM THE SHIP.
SGF: By the way, that suit? Ki-luh-her. Makes you look like Grace Kelly in space, sweetie.
OUTRAGED SQUAWKS TURNED TO PLEASED GIGGLES, INTERSPERSED WITH, "STOP THAT, NOT NOW!"
SGF:(turns to the rest of the crew) The rest of you, drop a dime and buy a clue -- this place has worse mojo than last year's White Party. You may as well be wearing red tank tops with "Kill me now" in big day-glo letters on them -- which is a great look on you, but still. Go find a nice beach planet somewhere and get tanked on mojitos -- you'll thank me for it later.
EXPENDABLE PROMETHEUS CREWMEMBERS LOOK AT EACH OTHER, SHRUG, AND GO BACK TO THE SHIP.
SGF:(turns to David) Okay, tall, blond and automatic -- fully functional?
DAVID: Five speeds, as a matter of fact.
SGF:(links arms with the android) Reeeeeallly? Lemme show you some other things T.E. Lawrence liked. (turns to camera and grins) They're all stupid be-yitches.
Welcome to episode 173 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Jerry bounces excitedly on his ball while talking about his latest novel project, Patrick has the night off, and Melanie is hip deep in smut.
Welcome to episode 172 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Melanie has been writing like a maniac, Jerry is off for the night, Patrick aches all over from moving into his new townhouse, and our special guest Nathan has sensitive nipples, and if you leave us a review on iTunes you can see them!
Welcome to episode 171 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Jerry is back from Helsinki and talks about mineshafts and Raging Black Bitch Beer, Melanie deals with raw sewage in her shower and learns what her drains look like from the inside, and our special guest Drake Rock gives us a movie review for Cabin in the Woods and Mirror Mirror.
Welcome to episode 170 of "Don't Quit Your Day Job: The Podcast!" where Melanie unpacks her craft room, Jerry talks about word processor choices and Helsinki, and Patrick is late.
This crew has the timing of a fine Swiss timepiece, and the sharp wit of a wheel of aged cheddar -- loriwin
Melanie Fletcher and Jerry J. Davis are increasingly infamous speculative fiction writers; Patrick Gaik is an actor and leading light in Illinois dinner theater. Together with their roving newsgirl Stacy T, they discuss everything from philosophical subtleties to porn, with amusing side trips into day jobs, night jobs, writing, reading, performing, SF, fantasy, sex, anime, movies, TV, beer, coffee, Diet Coke with Lime, and anything else that wanders through their tiny minds.
And please, don't listen to Episode 26. Just...trust us on this.
Terminally Single Tim
